Asphyxium Zine: Poem: "I’m so sorry" by Astrid Beauvois

I’m so sorry

By Astrid Beauvois

I’m so sorry that I’ve never been anything,

Except everything I am.

I’m so sorry that I’ve never been able to see,

Except on a cool, clear morning.

I’m so sorry that I drive within my lane,

Except when I went over the guardrail.

I’m so sorry that I relish my solitude,

Except that I’m screaming out for you to find me.

I’m so sorry that I’ll never be good enough,

Except when I am but never for the reasons I want to be.

I’m so sorry.

I’m so sorry that I lash out like whips,

Except when I’m driving horses.

I’m so sorry for being too fucking loud,

But the silence is deafening,

And I can’t stand hearing my own goddamn breathing.

I’m so sorry for always telling you exactly what’s on my mind,

Until I realized it’ll make no difference.

I’m so sorry for being me,

I’m so sorry,

I’m so sorry.

ASPHYXIUM ZINE