Article: "Reasons to Drink" by Jeremy Void

 Reasons to Drink

Article by Jeremy Void

I showed up at Bell’s house with a liter of whiskey. Hoping he’d want to drink it with me. He said he wasn’t in the mood to drink it that night. His loss, I thought. I drank it all, by myself, wandered the party room downstairs and passed out on the couch.

The next morning I was so frikken hungover. And I had to pee. I don’t think I’d ever drunk that much whiskey to myself before. I pushed myself to my feet and stumbled into the bathroom. Didn’t bother to close the door. No one was there; I didn’t really care. I took a piss. Watched the bright yellow liquid splash in the toilet. Closed my eyes for——

I woke up on the floor. What just happened? My vision was blurry; my mind felt foggy. My head was throbbing. My arm was soaking wet. I assumed I had pissed all over my arm. I felt the liquid; it was thick, runny, and … red. Dark red like blood. Blood. It was blood. I traced the source of the blood to the side of my head. There was a gaping gash there. I must have fallen. I grabbed the sink and hoisted myself up, when I noticed the crack in the sink. The paint on the walls was peeling. I thought nothing of it. I lumbered out of the bathroom and into Bell’s bedroom. He wasn’t there. His Chinese girlfriend named Chunky was sleeping in his bed. I woke her up.

She peered at me. What do you want? I’m sleeping.

I think I split my head on the sink.

Okay?

Can you take a picture of me?

Sure, she said.

One night Lacey and I went to Bell’s because we didn’t want to go to my place and he said we can sleep on the couch in the basement. He gave me some Percosets for fun, I swallowed them, and then he laughed, and I said what? And he said: You just swallowed a bunch of Trauzadone.

Shit.

We went downstairs and started to make out. We were about to have sex. I was so drunk. I fell asleep so frikken fast.

Crrraaash!!!

Glass rained down upon us. What was that? I opened my eyes and looked at Lacey and she was crying and screaming and then I looked to my right and a bunch of guys were throwing glass bottles at the wall behind us. Right above the couch.

Lacey jerked her head up, in shock. A beer bottle nicked her head, swirled, and smashed into the wall, and she was crying so hard.

She said to me: Do something!

I was so tired. The Trauzadone was so strong. I started to speak.

They were still throwing bottles.

I was speechless.

Nodded my head and fell asleep.

What the fuck is going on down there?

I woke up.

Katherine came running down the stairs. Bell, what the hell are you doing? She was so mad. Have you seen my dog anywhere?

What’s going on? I asked them all.

Kat looked at Bell and shouted: Have you seen my fuckin dog? Then turned and looked at Lacey. And who the fuck is she? Then turned and looked at me. Hey, Jeremy. Then back at Lacey. Why the fuck is your head bleeding?

We left that night and had to sleep in the pouring rain.

The day after I turned 21 I woke up somewhere—on a couch, in a strange apartment. Didn’t know where I was. I was only in my underwear. I rolled off the couch and stood and lumbered into the kitchen. No one was around. I reached in the fridge and found a beer and pulled it out and cracked it open.

The door opened and DJ came in. He said: Hey, how’s it feel to be 21?