Poem: 'Black Sheep' by Kay Irvin

Black Sheep

By Kay Irvin

The outcast, the outsider ... looking in

You're blessed, I am poison

Pushed away to beg scraps at the fringes

Sour tinges

You position yourself for gratitude

You're a dear one, subdued

Gossiping behind everyone's back

Comments crack

Strange, peculiar but snaps summon ... I'm called

You're gold, I am blackballed

I wanted to please you and you used that

Mock is chat

(spreading like wildfire)

Pretty lies ... I collected

I wanted to believe them

I filled them deep in my heart

And dressed up disappointment

Pretending your loyalty

Pretty lies ... I told myself

Divide ripped reverie apart

And I gathered splintered dreams

But everything scattered

Shattered so cruel, you're too cool

For a loser's emptiness

You made me feel like nothing

(Don't be shy, aren't you proud?)

I embrace not belonging

My acceptance screams nothing

Your excuses mean nothing

I was never good enough

And that barren, brutal truth

Is gut-wrenching nothingness

For so long, this lost soul had no reply

For so long, this reject let snide jab by

This freak at last speaks to let the pent up go

You seem surprised how much pain overflows

Hypocrisy and betrayal (you reap it)

You can keep it, I won't be hurt (anymore)

You use judgement to vent your own frustration

Reasoning via misfit vindication

I'm the wolf, raged, uncaged while you stay fenced

I'm the rock you broke your sorrows against

When you did whisper ... "What a waste, what a shame"

Damned at best is ironic, darkly name

I am the anthem of anger

Silence is dead, I rant your telltale spite

Drag your intentions to the light and out

Lift your soft rumors right up to clear shout

You're sweet, the rose red, I am wretched thorn

I am the black sheep, I will not conform

Nothingness

But I was here

(I was here)