Murk and Mire
Alan Lisanti
I've gone to great lengths to erase you
Such great lengths that I've nearly abolished myself
Faded into the cause from questionable methods
That's how dire the need to forget you was
The utmost angular failure
Is relative in all degrees with this need
At the center as the anchor of a half-conscious orbit
Like a soul that floats around the Earth
That follows its own circle
Around the dimmed sun
It just doesn't look as bright as it used to
But that's all beyond my control
Besides my perception of eclipses
The days just continue on like they always have
You cannot bite down on a short fuse on its last threads and escape the explosion
I swallowed it all and it became implosive
And I know that the damage was done
Contained by the walls of survival
Cut loose and returned to the foreign
Unfamiliarity of this something
That which could use a name
Has too many faces
Too many forms
Hey, you're like a distant thunder
Don't ask me how clouds collide in whispers
Tell it to my talking blood
Don't ask me about the lifespan of echoes
They play my bones like a chorus of crashes
Ride the symphony that need be silenced
I'm gonna mute out the disturbance
Smother the chords with internal reassurance and repetition
I've been told time heals all wounds
But I'm not bleeding
That's something that escaped you in that particular consideration
You're far more rigid than that of an unwanted song
You know how the patterns seep into your subconscious
You know how you cannot truly decide not to listen
That which penetrates by way of subliminal
Now you sing that which you tried to avert
Hum the melodies or whistle the poison
These nuances gone unnoticed
Manifest in that time in the after
Always unexpected even when you should have known
They're going to crawl out my bones
Where I kept them contained in their recesses
When simple things evoke them
They're provoked back into existence
Now our memories are recorded
Documented on the cave walls of these cellular phones
Ninja star hieroglyphics
On which I foolishly indulge
Steel weapons of remembrance
With a little yellow sticky note
Hey, remember what you had forgotten
It's that stubborn mortal ghost
Digital warfare wages
When I just found a little hope
So I'm like a stick in the mud
But the water is called hesitation
The silence became so uneasy
The wholeness is halved
But that's not the problem
Freedom is nice when it comes
But I can't enjoy empty spaces
I can't sleep in the good graces of calm
Because my mind is always churning
And my heart keeps its tired eyes open
But the swamp is infinite
Even until the horizons
That should be a beginning not a vanishing point
And so I wonder how much time
Needs me to channel my patience
As thin as the obvious question
Always forward, never back
But hindsight became the Northstar
And blind faith became the wisdom
And now, here I am
A fly in a jar
Oh safety is overrated
So much so I craved the danger
Like never before
But never mistake so called comfort
For progress when you know
Where you're going
Is somewhere distant
From where these soles are marching
Trudge on trudge on and trudge on
There's no desire to go back to yesterday's gone
Ask me what I'm missing
And wait til the light is on
Struggle does not define us
It asks us to be who we are
And this is an evolution
Grow beyond the deprivation
Keep your head high
Carry on
I have seen the withered crumble
I have kept my hunger strong
There's nothing but potential
In the air that feels all wrong
They're going to smile at me from a distance
Even if it's a lie fight to believe it
After the cold embrace the warmth
Tell me I'm crazy to deny it
Tell me you crave the same that's absent
Tell me you've forgotten
That silence is a vicious swarm
And we are but supernovas
That can breathe the fire of burned out stars
Tell me monotony is over
Lonely isolation has subsided
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